Some of America's most accomplished literary figures were present at the recent national book fair in Miami. But the longest line of people I witnessed was there to obtain the autograph of a highly distinguished, world-renowned, fabulously successful quack.

Dr. Brian Weiss writes about how we all have past lives, and future lives, and how we can explore them through meditation. He divulges these secrets in his books, and on his CDs, and through his workshops and, most recently, in his past-life "Voyage of Enlightenment" cruises.

The amazing thing about this block-long queue awaiting Dr. Weiss and his signature was that it consisted entirely of individuals of one sex. Can you guess which sex?

Did you guess "female"? You must be psychic!

Watching this phenomenon with me -- a little sullenly -- was Gina Barreca, who is not only my co-author on a humor book about men and women, but an expert on feminism, feminist theory and the obvious superiority of females. I invited Gina here to explain the cultural implications of what we saw.

Gene: Since, as we all know, women tend to be more mature and practical than men, why do they also almost single-handedly support the vast, charlatanic New Age industry that is composed of astrology, feng shui, palmistry, crystal healing, seances, reiki, labyrinths, auras, face reading, aromatherapy, zen shiatsu, therapeutic touching and past-life regression?

Gina: It is because life is terrifying, and the two sexes deal in different ways with their existential fears of loneliness and death. Women react with characteristic warmth, sometimes reaching out to others in shared, mystical pursuits that you may find silly. Men, on the other hand, deal with their existential fears by reaching out to porn and beer. Or by invading small countries.

Gene: Do you acknowledge the stupidity of most New Age pursuits?

Gina: No. Like many women, I remain open-minded about them.

Gene: As we write this, Gina and I have just finished an open-minded conference call with Marlana, a blind West Coast telephone psychic whose one-hour counseling sessions cost $240. We didn't tell Marlana who we were, for fear she'd have someone Google us in advance. We basically had one question: Have Gina and I known each other in a previous life? How do you think she performed, Gina?

Gina: I was impressed. She was very personable and correctly said you are five years older than I am.

Gene: That's your entire review?

Gina: Yes.

Gene: I see. So this will be like pulling teeth. Okay, what did I tell you before we began?

Gina: That you would bet your house, your entire 401(k) and the life of your beloved elderly dog that Marlana would say we knew each other in a previous life.

Gene: And did she?

Gina: Actually, she said we knew each other in countless other lives, and that our entwined souls went so far back together that we preceded the dawn of time on Earth and might even be angels or extraterrestrials.

Gene: And this did not fill you with some skepticism?

Gina: Not necessarily. She also said that in several previous lives we were brother and sister, which is exactly the way I think of us. You do remind me of my brother, who is also five years older than me.

Gene: Wooo-woooo, I'm getting all goosebumpy!

Gina: You don't have to be so negative.

Gene: Reveal what Marlana said when you asked her to contact your deceased mother.

Gina:

Gene: If you don't, I will.

Gina: She said my mom is fine. And that she speaks using Yiddish dialect.

Gene: And your mother was . . ?

Gina: Blonde, green-eyed and French Canadian.

Gene: And approximately as Yiddish as . . .

Gina: . . . the pope. Look, Marlana seemed sincere and non-commercial.

Gene: Noted. After our session, I called Marlana back and revealed who I was, and that I was going to write about our session in The Washington Post. I told her I didn't buy her act, and would say so. But also I said that since I hadn't been entirely honest with her initially, I wouldn't publish her name unless she allowed me to. What did I predict she would say, considering the fact that I also told her this column could reach 4 million eyeballs?

Gina: That she'd say yes.

Gene: And what did you predict?

Gina: That she'd say no, because she wouldn't want her profession to be cheapened, even for publicity.

Gene: And she said yes. And what was her only condition?

Gina:

Gene: If you don't tell them, I will.

Gina: That you spell her name right.